Ernest Hemingway once wrote: "The hardest lesson I have had to learn as an adult is the relentless need to keep going, no matter how broken I feel inside."
Ezekiel 34:11-16
11 "For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them.
12 As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.
13 I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines, and in all the settlements in the land.
14 I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land and feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel.
15 I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign Lord.
16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice."
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I must have been extremely exhausted yesterday. After skipping dinner because I had consumed more carbohydrates than expected at lunch the day before, after having only a sandwich following my morning walk/jog, after sleeping fewer hours than ideal, after taking my diabetic medications, and after working for nearly three hours before finally eating a proper meal at around 4 PM—my body, overwhelmed by all these factors, shut down. I went straight to bed.
I woke up sporadically to use the bathroom, and by midnight, still drowsy, I forced myself to eat dinner before taking my nightly medications. After that, I continued sleeping on and off until this morning.
Knowing myself, I immediately started overthinking how I could modify or redesign my lifestyle to avoid such extreme exhaustion. I reflected on my relentless walking and jogging routine since recovering from my knee injury. According to my iPhone health-monitoring watch, I had been at it for 15 days in a row. I usually spend over two hours walking, including the driving time. I feel like I am constantly pushing myself to meet personal expectations—only to fail miserably due to exhaustion, lack of direction, and a deficiency in self-control.
The real issue is that my intense workouts are depleting the energy I need for other important tasks throughout the day. Fatigue robs me of the joy I could otherwise experience. Most experts suggest that a 30-minute workout is sufficient for a man my age, yet I dedicate two hours. My approach is excessive, and I now realize that this might be more harmful than beneficial. Moderation is key.
So today, I will skip walking and jogging. Instead, I will optimize my workouts without overextending myself. I also wonder why I always favor cardio over resistance training. I know I dislike going to the gym—the lack of lighting, the monotony of the equipment, and the crowd make me feel suffocated. I have bought weights and resistance bands for strength training at home, but the call of the outdoors always takes precedence. I love nature, and yet, at some point, I must learn to temper this love.
I am overthinking again. The reason I retired at 62—earlier than the conventional retirement age—was to escape the daily grind of an eight-hour job that had lost its appeal. Any profession, after 35 years, inevitably becomes routine, and it must either evolve or be replaced to retain its allure. Unfortunately, I failed to advance in my field, not for lack of opportunity, but because my interests expanded beyond my profession.
I love blogging, reading, programming, web design, and recently, I’ve discovered a passion for video editing. And, of course, I love walking—sometimes to the point of exhaustion. These activities bring me more fulfillment than spending another decade trying to satisfy patients, negotiating, arguing, and sometimes even pleading. I have done that for 34 years. I cannot imagine continuing until 70, only to end up with medical problems that confine me to my home—or worse, to a nursing facility.
Some people are fortunate enough to love their jobs so much that they wake up excited to go to work, finding immense joy in their profession every single day. I am not one of them.
Right now, I am enjoying my daily routine. I meditate, walk or jog, and work for at least two hours. In the afternoons, I blog, sharing thoughts that my chatterbox mind eagerly throws at an audience—an audience that, understandably, does not exist. But I feel blessed by these activities, believing they are gifts from God that I must continue pursuing.
The risk, however, is exactly what I have been discussing—the risk of overdoing things. Sometimes, we love an activity so much that we lose control. In my case, it is my love of nature, walking, and running (if only I could run indefinitely!). But even good things must be moderated, as anything done in excess can become harmful.
One way to determine whether an activity is becoming obsessive or addictive is by evaluating its impact. When it leads to exhaustion—when even the mere sight of a bed feels like paradise—it signals a problem. In moments like these, I drop everything and surrender to the bliss of rest. I often tell people that rest is just as crucial as exercise.
That said, I refuse to become sedentary just because I plan to cut back on excessive workouts. Instead, I find lighter substitutes. I notice the house needs cleaning. The plants need watering. The yard requires attention. There are always other ways to stay active without draining myself completely. It is simply a matter of recognizing tasks that I can attend to without overexertion.
Today, I will skip my walk/jog, but as I glance at my yard, I realize that my plants haven’t been watered for weeks. Some grass needs trimming. My ever-growing book collection needs organizing—I am, after all, a book lover. I also need to continue my web projects, particularly one I am eager to complete: a website generated entirely by AI. I will discuss this project in more detail in a future blog post.